My First Wedding!

Hey girls! Check out the cupcakes I made for my first official wedding gig! I had some great helpers and everything turned out beautifully...and yummy if I do say so myself!

Bullet Points:

• Flo-thanks for the updates. I really enjoyed reading about Drew and how tender hearted and evident the Father's love for us is through your own child.
• The girl's weekend was great and I miss you all.
• I too have jumped on the blog wagon: hopefully I'll put some of my "in the works" posts up soon http://toholdingfast.blogspot.com

First, let me say how much I missed getting to see all of you gals on this past trip! The pictures were so fun to see (yay facebook!) and it looked like it was really a great time. Definitely what I missed the most (besides fabulous Nertz time, of course!) was hearing what is going on in everyone’s life and prayer requests. I’m assuming all that was shared but maybe we could keep it going on here?? :)

Just to get the ball rolling…
Drew. That about sums up my life in the past 8 months or so! Seriously, I fell in love with him right away and I love being his mom. I love it, but I am constantly reminded how most of the time, I have no idea what I am doing! It’s a good place to be in to be constantly relying on God’s wisdom!

One of the biggest things that struck me after having Drew was how much God wanted me as His child. When I look at my only son, I think, “Really God, You gave Your only Son for me? Really??” I can’t imagine that sacrifice. We’ve been going through Luke in my Bible Study this year and the timing has been so cool – just this week we are studying the Passion. I’ve been praying that God would show it to me in new ways and that it would be refreshed and new in my heart this Easter. I think He is – just thinking about that kind of love is pretty staggering.

Some things I’m praying for…
My investment in my community: One thing that stands out to me in studying Luke is how invested Jesus was in His community. My life and time look a lot different these days so I’m trying to figure out how to be intentional about giving of myself. (One awesome way God has answered that prayer is through Young Life! Last summer, Andrew and I joined the adult committee and have really fallen in love with all things YL. One highlight of our week is bringing dinner/snacks to our local team before their club meetings. It has been so fun to get to know those leaders and see their hearts for those kids. And I think about you YL girls so much and how much of a blessing you must have been in those high schoolers’ lives!)

Joyfully serving my husband: God has just revealed to me a lot of yuck-yuck in my heart about my attitude. I’m praying to be sensitive to my sin and really just enjoy the opportunities to show Andrew through actions how blessed I am by him.

A mentor: “I need someone older and wiser telling me what to do….” (Guess that movie song!) But seriously, having a woman in my life that has been there and can share that with me on a consistent basis would be awesome.

Okay…Your turn!

Love you all!

Oh and PS – I have a blog…I’m horrible at blogging, but its www.theeckstroms.blogspot.com.

Been around the world...

You know the P Diddy song, "been around the world and ay, ay, ay..." While I cannot cite it quite as my inspiration for my past week, it certainly could of been. After our wonderful girls weekend I had the opportunity to hit the skies for a little multi-city tour. First, I went to Denver, CO and stayed with two different folks. One was a cousin of sorts, and the other a girl who had just moved from Nashville to Boulder, CO. Mostly my intention was to ski, as it was my first time back to CO since I left my ranch in Spring of '05. It is so strange how parts of us lie dormant for periods of time, but they are still there waiting to be expressed...my dormant characteristic is desiring to be challenged physically and in risk-taking by my external environment. What a rush it was trying to tackle black moguls rather than just cruising down the blues comfortably...an older man even took me under his wing and was teaching me some techniques to the give and go of getting down the hill. What respect I have for older men who have mastered a craft and now the joy becomes helping others do the same...sometimes think I could marry a 50 y.o. man who has reached this point of humility in his life.

My next leg took me to Seattle, WA to visit with our recently engaged friend. I found myself waking up every day saying, "Lord, I love my life". I have been reading The Shack and it has really rocked my world and feeling that great sense of intimacy and greater understanding of the Lord's character has allowed me to feel so much more settled. I encourage every person I know to read it. Also, I was so blessed by the generosity of all my hostesses...giving so fully of themselves and finding joy in serving others. Yet, aware of how do you receive with gratitude, knowing their joy in serving and yet in such a way that those people do not feel taken advantage of...such a balance.

The last few days of my trip were spent at a Student Affairs conference in Seattle. Here I found myself completely rejecting the career mindedness of my surrounding environment. The social networking and agendas of all the various people was hard for me to engage with. My agenda right now is to live a balanced life full of relationships, challenges (emotionally, socially, physically, academic) with significant time to rest in the beautiful presence of the Lord.

All the while my soundtrack for the trip was a cd recently made for me by a dude in Nashville that has been on the radar. My recognition of my desire to love and serve a mate has been very real as I get to know said "dude". The excitement of doing thoughtful things and sharing ones life with sometimes overwhelms me as I know I need to cautiously proceed in the "getting to know" you phase of the process. As I live more and more into the person the Lord made me to be and the freedom associated with that, without extreme controls or constraints, I pray for the Lord's protection rather than the false security I have constructed for myself.

Oh where oh where has my little mind gone....

Sometimes I wish I could lose my mind. like..completely. then I'd have justification for all my negligence, lost thoughts, indecisiveness, etc.

My bed is made but my mind is cluttered. My closet is organized but my fridge is empty. My sociallizing is prolific but my "me" time is non-existant. Coffee is good...but it gives me jitters. Sleep is refreshing but I find it boring. I crave structure but don't you think it's stifling?

Well rounded, dyanic, multi-faceted, confusing, undecided, non-commital...oh which one is it?

Can I just run away for a little bit? Throw responsibilty and self-understanding to the wind.... return with no questions asked...

don't be confused by me, I'm already confused enough.

Nashvillefest!

T-53 days and counting!
Until the friends arrive, the laughter ensues, and we will all be together again! I'm quite excited that ya'll will be making the trip up to TN this year. Last year at this time I didn't have the same sentiments as I do towards Nashville now. That's understandable, it takes time to adjust to a place, make friends and mentally move on from the previous chapter in life. Looking forward to sharing this place with all of ya'll!!

Trusting God and Sliced Bread

So I've been wrestling with a question this week--potentially a very shallow question that completely displays my insecurities--that I'd love to get ya'll's feedback on. While I could probably talk about it in a much more straight-forward way, I am going to try not to completely give myself away and talk about it in code. So here goes.

How the heck is a girl supposed to compete with the next best thing since sliced bread? Especially when the next best thing since sliced bread seems to be freaking awesome in every possible way! I mean, it obviously wont do to try to replicate the next best thing since sliced bread, because clearly there is only ONE next best thing since sliced bread, and if you are not it, then you are just not it right? Perhaps you are sliced bread. And if so, you were quite obviously made to be the piece of bread that you are, so I would think it to be a great waste of time (and of bread) to try to be something you're not. And yet, though sliced bread is good, hence the saying, it still doesn't seem--at least from your angle-- like it's AS good as that next "best thing."

I'm thinking that one of the answers to this question is that you just dont. You don't compete. You don't compare. And you be the best damn piece of bread you can be. And you thank the One who created and molded and baked you for doing all of that the way He did.

Another of my questions would be how do you deal when someone who you think you want to pick you picks the next best thing since sliced bread instead? Is it that not only were YOU not the bread for them, but THEY weren't the one you want buying your bread anyway? Or do we just tell ourselves that to feel better? What is the truth in the midst of that? Is the next best thing since sliced bread really as good and awesome as it looks? It seems so, but does it really matter and is it even worth spending the time to try to answer that question? It may just be me, but sometimes it's hard to not keep glancing over at the next best thing and be jealous, but instead be thankful and trusting.

Or is this whole "next best thing since sliced bread" thing just an illusion? Aren't we all pieces of bread in the same loaf--some of us maybe resembling the end pieces and some the pieces more towards the middle? Ok, enough of the bread analogy, I know...

I suppose in reality, my time shouldn't be spent focusing all that much on the bread anyway--or even the next best thing since sliced bread, but rather the Maker of it all. Because not only did He Make my bread, but He bought it. And He bought it in such a way, and at such a price, that whether I'm the end piece or the middle piece, or whether I measure up to the next best thing or not, I am His and my purpose and priviledge and preoccupation is to give Him glory, not seek it, or whatever else for that matter, for myself. Mind you, He delights to let me be a unique piece of bread, but ultimately it is about Him and not me. And wow, HE bought ME...can I not be completely satisfied with that in the present even if no one else ever comes along to take me off the shelf? In light of who HE is, I suppose it really just shouldn't even matter.

Ok...does ANY of that make sense? I promise my intention was not to take the bread analogy quite so far, but I actually think it helped me process what I was really after in a round about sort of way. Thoughts?

LT Blog

Hey girlies,

Just FYI, I started a blog too! Check me out at shadycakes.blogspot.com.

Love ya'll!

The Other Boyfriend

So..I’m juggling two relationships right now. Shhh..don’t tell.
It’s tiring, exhausting, extremely time consuming…but worth it.

One is a fairly new development. But the “other”, well..we’ve been off and on again for the past 10 years. Wow, we’ve been together quite a long time. And at the end of October we will embark on a journey that we’ve been anticipating a long time now. Yup, I’m finally ready to take the plunge. I think after 10 years of knowing each other it’s about time. But I didn’t realize that there was so much planning involved.

These two know about each other, but they don’t really like to spend time with one another. Well, actually, the one is over 5 hrs away now, so I can keep the other to myself. I’m giving them their distance, and let’s be honest, “R” and I have a special relationship and I really need to nurture it alone.

A friend at work is well aware of my exploits. She told me that I’m going to run myself ragged…”you need to cut back”. But how can I? R and I are in this for the long haul. I can remember being 16 and making this commitment that once we entered into this relationship it would be full speed ahead until our special day. I didn’t realize that the preparation would be so grueling. But I’m addicted. "He" is good to me. R helps me to realize my potentials, helps me think clearly, lets me be me, and accepts me for who I am, yet still challenges me to stride forward. Plus “he” requires no pizzaz from me; in fact, we work best when I’m in exercise clothes and sweat. That’s just how we like it.

So onward I go; spending daily time with one as the other is just a phone call away.

Things that make you go...HA!

stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com

Tis the season...

...to wait.

Why is waiting so hard? I read today in Exodus 16 about the Israelites who had to wait in the wilderness for 40 years before God brought them into the land that he promised. In the waiting they started to grumble. And in the midst of the grumbling, they found themselves wishing they were back in Egypt...back in slavery! They said, "Would that we had died by the Lord's hand in the land of Egypt, when we sat by pots of meat, when we ate bread to the full; for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger." (Ex 16:3)

Initially I want to be like, "Really? Really Israel? You would rather be "fat and happy," and an enslaved people than be a little hungry and totally set free by the Lord? Sure, the wilderness probably isn't like living it up at the Ritz, but isn't it better than working 80 hours a week carting bricks back and forth for Pharoah? I mean, dont the trees in the wildnerness provide a little bit of shade?" But then I read between the lines and see myself smack in the middle of that story. Flat in the middle of a wilderness of sorts, where the only thing that feels abundant are unmet expectations and the growlings of an empty belly. And oh does this tummy like to growl.

Mind you, perhaps my appetite, like theirs, still hungers after the things I've tasted in Egypt and needs time to hunger for Manna (the original "frosted flakes" as I heard preached this past Sunday), but how is it that I, that they, that we would so quickly forsake freedom and the One who has set us free to lament the loss of our slavery? What is that quote by CS Lewis that talks about our desires being too weak? That we are far too easily pleased and that we find ourselves content to make mudpies when a holiday at the sea is offered to us. Why do I confuse the mud with the sea? I'm sure I'd like the feeling, the reality, of water swishing in between my toes much better than the nasty, old mud. bleh.

So here's what this tum's growling these days: "Lord, what about a house to live in that's awesome? What about my million dollar mate? What about a job that I could love? What about freedom from this thorn and that? Would that I had these things..." Would that I had these things I doubt that I would feel full and yet I struggle greatly to not believe the opposite. As much as I feel convinced sometimes that all these things would make me much happier, I imagine that the Lord sees fit for me to develop more a taste for Manna, for what is better, for what is true freedom.

So I guess to Israel I say, "I hear ya peeps," but to the Lord I say, "Thank you for bearing with us so long and please help me to be willing. I know these things wont give me what I'm looking for, but its easy to forget, especially when this stomach starts growling so. Help me long for what is better."

Amen.

love ya'll.

Cupcakes

Ok ladies...will ya'll help me dream?

I want to open a cupcake shop and I'm actually serious about it. I need to get busy on some research (which i've been sporadically doing already for the last several months), but I really truly want to try to pursue this...Lord willing. I went to a bible study for the women in our community last night and there were two girls there who are actually doing it! They are specializing in mini cupcakes, which were so yummy, but is not really the direction I think I want to go in. Do ya'll think there is room for 2 cupcake businesses in the ATL (and I'm sure there are already more than this one...)? I feel like doing something like this is completely NOT natural to my dna, BUT when I saw those girls actually succeeding at something that I've been dreaming of doing, there was something inside of me that did not want to waste another minute NOT going for it. I'm scared and afraid that I won't go thru with it, but I'm perhaps MORE scared of what could happen to my soul (mainly, that it would shrivel up like a raisin!) if I continue to STAY where I am and dont run after something I have a passion for. Who knows, maybe I could get started and realize this is NOT my passion after all, but on the other hand...maybe it COULD be the beginning of a wonderful dream come true.

Am I thinking straight? Feedback any one? Would ya'll please pray...obviously this will not work unless the hand of the Lord is in it. Thank you a million times...love ya'll.

no, Lord, I can do it

I finished my first year of grad school at the end of April and have been trying to take some time to invest myself in other things since...those things include frisbee, a new social group, exploring Nashville restaurants, and hitting the road for some weddings. This year has been a time of discovering: I have great potential to be a workaholic, college students are way more irresponsible than I remember, and meal plans are dangerous.

It has been a good time to look back on the year and realized that I did not know what a time commitment grad school was going to be. I have kind of felt like my life has been on hold and I do not have the energy to invest in people as I have before. While I am usually very self-sufficient (not really a good thing in the context of what Christ calls us to), this year I have depended on Carrie a lot and had to ask for help from co-workers, as well as tell co-workers "no" because there is only so much of my time to go around. Much of the year has felt selfish, and there has been a lot of guilt associated with that, but yet, I still have insisted on saying, "no, Lord, I can do it"...sometimes I wonder if I will ever learn what it means to be in community and depend on others and let them depend on you without keeping tabs and tallies.

In the movie Dan in Real Life, there is a line..."love is not an emotion, it is an ability" and as I reflected on that statement, I thought of how much my brother and I often seem unable to engage in this exchange of love...I could blame it on our family of origin or the experiences we have had, but while it is important to understand the source, I know that with the Lord's grace, anyone can move beyond these things. In order to practice that ability to love, one must allow others to see fully their scars and bruises beneath the surface, which then gives the other person permission to do the same, and I have no idea the timing of disclosing such information.

If anyone knows about StrengthsFinder, it is an assessment based on positive psychology and one of my strengths is "Restorative", which means that I see problems, and figure out how to solve them, and restore things to life. I find this most often relates to the lives of people, and while I find joy in restoring broken people, I have found that a) sometimes it can be an unhealthy pattern (i.e. co-dependence), and b) if I do this for others, I should be willing to let others do the same for me.

All this to say, the Lord has really broken me in His sweet tender way recently, so that has been evidence of His love and drawing me back to Him.

I think today the Lord might have led me to the church community in which he wants me to explore these things and this passage was offered:

"But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Cor. 3:16-18

I thank the Lord for the way each of you reflect His glory, and may He transformative work continue.

Gadulations

So Graduation day has come and gone here at school. I can't believe I've been here for almost a year. I'm so thankful for my time here. It hasn't always been easy and I've not always felt the connection that I do now. As I sat and watched the kids go up to receive their diplomas and looked out into the audience at the parent's smiling faces I just got so choked up inside..felt like a proud "parent" myself. What even hit me more was watching the kids beam w/ pride as their name was called and even look like proud parents themselves as they watched their classmates.

I wanted to include a little glimpse into my world here: so here ya'll go. Look at the love and the compassion they share. PS- "H" and "J" both have bilateral hearing aids.


"H" and "J" at pizza restaurant for field trip In cap and gown. Big "A" has cochlear implant,
they both have bilateral hearing aids "J" on far right has bilateral aids. They are singing
Tim McGraw

Resting

This is officially the first blog entry I have ever written! I have been meaning to make a Paco blog to update people, but it’s just something that I have not gotten around to…that and about a million other things.

The past couple months have really been a stretching time for me. Sometimes, I think, it’s easy to look back and even presently and know a theme or concept that the Lord is teaching me. Lately that has been to rest in Him. I know and am confident that our Father does not ever give us more than we can handle, but sometimes its not always easy to see that. And sometimes the hardest thing to do is rest in Him and the promises He gives us.

One way I’m learning to rest in Him is with Paco. Who, by the way….is a BOY! (Sidebar…I guess Andrew’s grandmother was right, when she told me I looked like I was having a boy because my behind was getting bigger…drat!) Anyway…during our 2nd trimester the doctors gave us the option of taking a blood test that checks for the possibility of any chromosome disorders. Ang and I talked a lot about it and decided that we would take it. His Aunt had Down Syndrome and like two completely un-scientific people, we thought we had a higher chance of having a child with Downs (umm…apparently only one type is actually genetic.) I really don’t believe we took the test out of fear. We both loved Marg and really once you know and love someone with Downs, you really start to respect them and love the joy they see in life. I really believe we just wanted to be prepared.

Shortly after our Mountain trip reunion, we got a phone call to come to the doctors that day because we had tested positive for Trisomy 18 – a different chromosome disorder. After doing some research, we learned that babies with Tri 18 usually don’t live past their first birthday. We were absolutely crushed. From that point on, we had ultrasound after ultrasound and visited genetic specialists and heart specialists. Throughout the process we would hear positive things based on the ultrasounds, but it just was unbelievable and heartbreaking to me how most of the doctors viewed life. They gave us the option of having an amniocentesis - where they test the amniotic fluid to know for sure the chromosomes present – and urged us to have it done by week 24 in time for a legal abortion if the results weren’t positive. We didn’t have an amnio done - it was really disheartening to have to explain to so many doctors that even if Paco has this horrible disorder, we were not going to have an abortion. We prayed a lot for peace and the good news we received since then has been affirming. According to the doctors we won’t know for 100% sure if Paco has Tri 18 until he is born, but somehow, we have been able to hold onto the fact that the Lord is good, so good, and has incredible plans for Paco. (Hopefully, those plans include helping us think of an actual name for the poor boy!)

Another way in which I’m learning to let the Lord carry me is through my dog’s recent illness. My 13-year-old dog Dixie was diagnosed a couple months ago with a brain tumor. It has been so hard to see her go downhill so fast. Its hard to put into words how much this dog means to me – she was my birthday present in 7th grade and was such a source of joy and peace. Although I have wonderful parents, my home life was not a breeze in middle and high school. My brother was a drug addict, and potentially still is – I don’t really know much about his life right now because he wishes to have nothing to do with us. It sounds funny to say, but through those times, it was such a blessing to have a friend who was always there, not judging, but just a companion. I’m grateful I’ve had these last couple months to really grieve and say goodbye to her but I’m learning I don’t really know how to do that. I can’t imagine her not being in my life, but I don’t ever want to see her hurting. Lately, I’ve been a basket case of emotions, just trying to take care of her and love on her. We have an appointment tomorrow with her vet specialist and I’m terrified about having to make a hard decision. For some reason, this has been a much harder lesson in learning how to rest in Jesus when life is hard. I know only Jesus can hold my heart and make it whole and I believe He will do just that in His timing.

I’m so sorry this has been so long. I guess people are right when they saying blogging is a good way to get some things out. You girls are wonderful and I have so enjoyed reading your posts! Thanks for letting me share my heart and for sharing yours also! Much love, florence

Speaking of Hair

www.instyle.com/hair

You can see what you'd look like with different hair styles. I feel like a change might be coming!

New Shampoo, New Woman

So for years people have been telling me that Pantene Pro-V is terrible for my hair. I've always brushed them off...if it looks shiny on the outside, who cares if its being stripped of all its nutrients and slowly becoming unhealthy? Its just hair right? And if it looks good from the outside, does it really matter? Hmmm...



This week I bought a new shampoo. It only cost 3.50, but is advertised as a product "used by professionals," so I thought I'd check it out. The first time I used it, I really didn't notice much of a difference. In fact, when I dried my hair, it even felt a little...rough i guess (the opposite of silky smooth). It made me miss my Panteen and think, this new shampoo is crap. But maybe, just maybe, this is the sort of thing that takes time before you notice a real difference.



All this talk about shampoo got me thinking. I struggle with expectations. I struggle with the relationship between appearances and real transformation and the time it takes to get there. I forget that the gospel, which brought me into the grace in which we now stand, is the very thing that must sustain me still, verses the various rules and regulations i come up with to make me feel like i'm on par with the rest of the western christians I run with to merit His favor. I become so preoccupied with silky and smooth and what it might take ME to get myself there, that I sacrifice the very life of my heart to meet this end. What kind of promise is that?



So I try a new shampoo...but hopefully this time, the RIGHT shampoo...His grace. His spirit. Him in me, the Hope of Glory. I suppose the results of all this, the implications of all this, dont immediately result in glorious, commercially beautiful hair, but time and a little faith and trust might just reveal something thats alive. And thats worth a rinse and repeat.



An imperfect analogy for sure, but if a walk thru the hair product eisle at Kroger can make me think of the gospel, I'll take it. Love you girls.

Confessions of a Seattlite

Shoot. Somehow I have been missing out on our blog. Is there a way to get an email when someone updates it? 

Well, I don't have a good thoughtful topic so I will just throw out some confessions in my life:

#1 - I am way more addicted to coffee than I should be. When I have free time I sit in coffee shops and have my second and third cups of the day. (Yikes, I'm actually sitting in one of my favorites as I type). I get headaches around 10 am if I haven't indulged and if I added up all the money I spend on coffee I could probably support some amazing causes.

#2 - I just started going to the tanning bed last week. I got a coupon at the grocery for $9.99 for the month. I love the feeling the being HOT so much that I don't even turn on the fan.

#3 - I enjoy making out with my boyfriend a lot more than I think I should (did someone say this website is open to the public? yikes). I'm sad if I go to bed at night without having him kiss me goodnight. 

#4 - I am about to start a new job working for an eye doctor (random, huh?) and I am nervous. My life, schedule, and relationships are about to change. I dread the process of reconfiguring balance again.

Well, love you my friends. Next time I will have a more thoughtful entry...

just maybe...

I am a good cook. I must tell you about this creation I made. Tofu Ceviche. now, before you go grabbing for you trashcan let me assure you it was a medley of beautiful flavors that had me lounging on the sands of the Caribean. I even followed a recipe; to a T. (that's new for me) I mean I even bought the special salt the recipe had in it. I was suprised by how good it was, suprised by the creation. Not because of the recipe itself but b/c I was the one in the kitchen.

I think I might be a fast runner, though I'd never tell myself that. I'm not good at words of affirmation.

I think I even fall into the category of "healthy person" if you were going by some gov't or healthy people 2010 standards. That's a good thing but yet I tell myself that my skin breaks out b/c I'm unhealthy.

I think I might be a good therapist. I even had my performance appraisal yesterday. The big dog said I was doing a great job. One of the best even. I'm a fish out a water I tell myself; just getting by on luck.

I might even be a good friend. Quick to forgive, lend a listening ear, eager to spend time. But maybe my advice is bad, my motives are shallow, and I'm boring.

We are our own worst critics. I'm realizing more and more as I grow up that I am very hard on myself. Actually, I just came to that realization within this year. For all the reasons the Lord gives that He loves us, I have hundreds to give why He shouldn't. And yet He does...and continues to.

I'm good enough, smart enough and gosh darnit...Jesus Loves Me!

~Carrie