So Graduation day has come and gone here at school. I can't believe I've been here for almost a year. I'm so thankful for my time here. It hasn't always been easy and I've not always felt the connection that I do now. As I sat and watched the kids go up to receive their diplomas and looked out into the audience at the parent's smiling faces I just got so choked up inside..felt like a proud "parent" myself. What even hit me more was watching the kids beam w/ pride as their name was called and even look like proud parents themselves as they watched their classmates.
I wanted to include a little glimpse into my world here: so here ya'll go. Look at the love and the compassion they share. PS- "H" and "J" both have bilateral hearing aids.
"H" and "J" at pizza restaurant for field trip In cap and gown. Big "A" has cochlear implant,
they both have bilateral hearing aids "J" on far right has bilateral aids. They are singing
Tim McGraw
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Resting
This is officially the first blog entry I have ever written! I have been meaning to make a Paco blog to update people, but it’s just something that I have not gotten around to…that and about a million other things.
The past couple months have really been a stretching time for me. Sometimes, I think, it’s easy to look back and even presently and know a theme or concept that the Lord is teaching me. Lately that has been to rest in Him. I know and am confident that our Father does not ever give us more than we can handle, but sometimes its not always easy to see that. And sometimes the hardest thing to do is rest in Him and the promises He gives us.
One way I’m learning to rest in Him is with Paco. Who, by the way….is a BOY! (Sidebar…I guess Andrew’s grandmother was right, when she told me I looked like I was having a boy because my behind was getting bigger…drat!) Anyway…during our 2nd trimester the doctors gave us the option of taking a blood test that checks for the possibility of any chromosome disorders. Ang and I talked a lot about it and decided that we would take it. His Aunt had Down Syndrome and like two completely un-scientific people, we thought we had a higher chance of having a child with Downs (umm…apparently only one type is actually genetic.) I really don’t believe we took the test out of fear. We both loved Marg and really once you know and love someone with Downs, you really start to respect them and love the joy they see in life. I really believe we just wanted to be prepared.
Shortly after our Mountain trip reunion, we got a phone call to come to the doctors that day because we had tested positive for Trisomy 18 – a different chromosome disorder. After doing some research, we learned that babies with Tri 18 usually don’t live past their first birthday. We were absolutely crushed. From that point on, we had ultrasound after ultrasound and visited genetic specialists and heart specialists. Throughout the process we would hear positive things based on the ultrasounds, but it just was unbelievable and heartbreaking to me how most of the doctors viewed life. They gave us the option of having an amniocentesis - where they test the amniotic fluid to know for sure the chromosomes present – and urged us to have it done by week 24 in time for a legal abortion if the results weren’t positive. We didn’t have an amnio done - it was really disheartening to have to explain to so many doctors that even if Paco has this horrible disorder, we were not going to have an abortion. We prayed a lot for peace and the good news we received since then has been affirming. According to the doctors we won’t know for 100% sure if Paco has Tri 18 until he is born, but somehow, we have been able to hold onto the fact that the Lord is good, so good, and has incredible plans for Paco. (Hopefully, those plans include helping us think of an actual name for the poor boy!)
Another way in which I’m learning to let the Lord carry me is through my dog’s recent illness. My 13-year-old dog Dixie was diagnosed a couple months ago with a brain tumor. It has been so hard to see her go downhill so fast. Its hard to put into words how much this dog means to me – she was my birthday present in 7th grade and was such a source of joy and peace. Although I have wonderful parents, my home life was not a breeze in middle and high school. My brother was a drug addict, and potentially still is – I don’t really know much about his life right now because he wishes to have nothing to do with us. It sounds funny to say, but through those times, it was such a blessing to have a friend who was always there, not judging, but just a companion. I’m grateful I’ve had these last couple months to really grieve and say goodbye to her but I’m learning I don’t really know how to do that. I can’t imagine her not being in my life, but I don’t ever want to see her hurting. Lately, I’ve been a basket case of emotions, just trying to take care of her and love on her. We have an appointment tomorrow with her vet specialist and I’m terrified about having to make a hard decision. For some reason, this has been a much harder lesson in learning how to rest in Jesus when life is hard. I know only Jesus can hold my heart and make it whole and I believe He will do just that in His timing.
I’m so sorry this has been so long. I guess people are right when they saying blogging is a good way to get some things out. You girls are wonderful and I have so enjoyed reading your posts! Thanks for letting me share my heart and for sharing yours also! Much love, florence
The past couple months have really been a stretching time for me. Sometimes, I think, it’s easy to look back and even presently and know a theme or concept that the Lord is teaching me. Lately that has been to rest in Him. I know and am confident that our Father does not ever give us more than we can handle, but sometimes its not always easy to see that. And sometimes the hardest thing to do is rest in Him and the promises He gives us.
One way I’m learning to rest in Him is with Paco. Who, by the way….is a BOY! (Sidebar…I guess Andrew’s grandmother was right, when she told me I looked like I was having a boy because my behind was getting bigger…drat!) Anyway…during our 2nd trimester the doctors gave us the option of taking a blood test that checks for the possibility of any chromosome disorders. Ang and I talked a lot about it and decided that we would take it. His Aunt had Down Syndrome and like two completely un-scientific people, we thought we had a higher chance of having a child with Downs (umm…apparently only one type is actually genetic.) I really don’t believe we took the test out of fear. We both loved Marg and really once you know and love someone with Downs, you really start to respect them and love the joy they see in life. I really believe we just wanted to be prepared.
Shortly after our Mountain trip reunion, we got a phone call to come to the doctors that day because we had tested positive for Trisomy 18 – a different chromosome disorder. After doing some research, we learned that babies with Tri 18 usually don’t live past their first birthday. We were absolutely crushed. From that point on, we had ultrasound after ultrasound and visited genetic specialists and heart specialists. Throughout the process we would hear positive things based on the ultrasounds, but it just was unbelievable and heartbreaking to me how most of the doctors viewed life. They gave us the option of having an amniocentesis - where they test the amniotic fluid to know for sure the chromosomes present – and urged us to have it done by week 24 in time for a legal abortion if the results weren’t positive. We didn’t have an amnio done - it was really disheartening to have to explain to so many doctors that even if Paco has this horrible disorder, we were not going to have an abortion. We prayed a lot for peace and the good news we received since then has been affirming. According to the doctors we won’t know for 100% sure if Paco has Tri 18 until he is born, but somehow, we have been able to hold onto the fact that the Lord is good, so good, and has incredible plans for Paco. (Hopefully, those plans include helping us think of an actual name for the poor boy!)
Another way in which I’m learning to let the Lord carry me is through my dog’s recent illness. My 13-year-old dog Dixie was diagnosed a couple months ago with a brain tumor. It has been so hard to see her go downhill so fast. Its hard to put into words how much this dog means to me – she was my birthday present in 7th grade and was such a source of joy and peace. Although I have wonderful parents, my home life was not a breeze in middle and high school. My brother was a drug addict, and potentially still is – I don’t really know much about his life right now because he wishes to have nothing to do with us. It sounds funny to say, but through those times, it was such a blessing to have a friend who was always there, not judging, but just a companion. I’m grateful I’ve had these last couple months to really grieve and say goodbye to her but I’m learning I don’t really know how to do that. I can’t imagine her not being in my life, but I don’t ever want to see her hurting. Lately, I’ve been a basket case of emotions, just trying to take care of her and love on her. We have an appointment tomorrow with her vet specialist and I’m terrified about having to make a hard decision. For some reason, this has been a much harder lesson in learning how to rest in Jesus when life is hard. I know only Jesus can hold my heart and make it whole and I believe He will do just that in His timing.
I’m so sorry this has been so long. I guess people are right when they saying blogging is a good way to get some things out. You girls are wonderful and I have so enjoyed reading your posts! Thanks for letting me share my heart and for sharing yours also! Much love, florence
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Speaking of Hair
www.instyle.com/hair
You can see what you'd look like with different hair styles. I feel like a change might be coming!
You can see what you'd look like with different hair styles. I feel like a change might be coming!
New Shampoo, New Woman
So for years people have been telling me that Pantene Pro-V is terrible for my hair. I've always brushed them off...if it looks shiny on the outside, who cares if its being stripped of all its nutrients and slowly becoming unhealthy? Its just hair right? And if it looks good from the outside, does it really matter? Hmmm...
This week I bought a new shampoo. It only cost 3.50, but is advertised as a product "used by professionals," so I thought I'd check it out. The first time I used it, I really didn't notice much of a difference. In fact, when I dried my hair, it even felt a little...rough i guess (the opposite of silky smooth). It made me miss my Panteen and think, this new shampoo is crap. But maybe, just maybe, this is the sort of thing that takes time before you notice a real difference.
All this talk about shampoo got me thinking. I struggle with expectations. I struggle with the relationship between appearances and real transformation and the time it takes to get there. I forget that the gospel, which brought me into the grace in which we now stand, is the very thing that must sustain me still, verses the various rules and regulations i come up with to make me feel like i'm on par with the rest of the western christians I run with to merit His favor. I become so preoccupied with silky and smooth and what it might take ME to get myself there, that I sacrifice the very life of my heart to meet this end. What kind of promise is that?
So I try a new shampoo...but hopefully this time, the RIGHT shampoo...His grace. His spirit. Him in me, the Hope of Glory. I suppose the results of all this, the implications of all this, dont immediately result in glorious, commercially beautiful hair, but time and a little faith and trust might just reveal something thats alive. And thats worth a rinse and repeat.
An imperfect analogy for sure, but if a walk thru the hair product eisle at Kroger can make me think of the gospel, I'll take it. Love you girls.
This week I bought a new shampoo. It only cost 3.50, but is advertised as a product "used by professionals," so I thought I'd check it out. The first time I used it, I really didn't notice much of a difference. In fact, when I dried my hair, it even felt a little...rough i guess (the opposite of silky smooth). It made me miss my Panteen and think, this new shampoo is crap. But maybe, just maybe, this is the sort of thing that takes time before you notice a real difference.
All this talk about shampoo got me thinking. I struggle with expectations. I struggle with the relationship between appearances and real transformation and the time it takes to get there. I forget that the gospel, which brought me into the grace in which we now stand, is the very thing that must sustain me still, verses the various rules and regulations i come up with to make me feel like i'm on par with the rest of the western christians I run with to merit His favor. I become so preoccupied with silky and smooth and what it might take ME to get myself there, that I sacrifice the very life of my heart to meet this end. What kind of promise is that?
So I try a new shampoo...but hopefully this time, the RIGHT shampoo...His grace. His spirit. Him in me, the Hope of Glory. I suppose the results of all this, the implications of all this, dont immediately result in glorious, commercially beautiful hair, but time and a little faith and trust might just reveal something thats alive. And thats worth a rinse and repeat.
An imperfect analogy for sure, but if a walk thru the hair product eisle at Kroger can make me think of the gospel, I'll take it. Love you girls.
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