Hey girlies,
Just FYI, I started a blog too! Check me out at shadycakes.blogspot.com.
Love ya'll!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
The Other Boyfriend
So..I’m juggling two relationships right now. Shhh..don’t tell.
It’s tiring, exhausting, extremely time consuming…but worth it.
One is a fairly new development. But the “other”, well..we’ve been off and on again for the past 10 years. Wow, we’ve been together quite a long time. And at the end of October we will embark on a journey that we’ve been anticipating a long time now. Yup, I’m finally ready to take the plunge. I think after 10 years of knowing each other it’s about time. But I didn’t realize that there was so much planning involved.
These two know about each other, but they don’t really like to spend time with one another. Well, actually, the one is over 5 hrs away now, so I can keep the other to myself. I’m giving them their distance, and let’s be honest, “R” and I have a special relationship and I really need to nurture it alone.
A friend at work is well aware of my exploits. She told me that I’m going to run myself ragged…”you need to cut back”. But how can I? R and I are in this for the long haul. I can remember being 16 and making this commitment that once we entered into this relationship it would be full speed ahead until our special day. I didn’t realize that the preparation would be so grueling. But I’m addicted. "He" is good to me. R helps me to realize my potentials, helps me think clearly, lets me be me, and accepts me for who I am, yet still challenges me to stride forward. Plus “he” requires no pizzaz from me; in fact, we work best when I’m in exercise clothes and sweat. That’s just how we like it.
So onward I go; spending daily time with one as the other is just a phone call away.
It’s tiring, exhausting, extremely time consuming…but worth it.
One is a fairly new development. But the “other”, well..we’ve been off and on again for the past 10 years. Wow, we’ve been together quite a long time. And at the end of October we will embark on a journey that we’ve been anticipating a long time now. Yup, I’m finally ready to take the plunge. I think after 10 years of knowing each other it’s about time. But I didn’t realize that there was so much planning involved.
These two know about each other, but they don’t really like to spend time with one another. Well, actually, the one is over 5 hrs away now, so I can keep the other to myself. I’m giving them their distance, and let’s be honest, “R” and I have a special relationship and I really need to nurture it alone.
A friend at work is well aware of my exploits. She told me that I’m going to run myself ragged…”you need to cut back”. But how can I? R and I are in this for the long haul. I can remember being 16 and making this commitment that once we entered into this relationship it would be full speed ahead until our special day. I didn’t realize that the preparation would be so grueling. But I’m addicted. "He" is good to me. R helps me to realize my potentials, helps me think clearly, lets me be me, and accepts me for who I am, yet still challenges me to stride forward. Plus “he” requires no pizzaz from me; in fact, we work best when I’m in exercise clothes and sweat. That’s just how we like it.
So onward I go; spending daily time with one as the other is just a phone call away.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Tis the season...
...to wait.
Why is waiting so hard? I read today in Exodus 16 about the Israelites who had to wait in the wilderness for 40 years before God brought them into the land that he promised. In the waiting they started to grumble. And in the midst of the grumbling, they found themselves wishing they were back in Egypt...back in slavery! They said, "Would that we had died by the Lord's hand in the land of Egypt, when we sat by pots of meat, when we ate bread to the full; for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger." (Ex 16:3)
Initially I want to be like, "Really? Really Israel? You would rather be "fat and happy," and an enslaved people than be a little hungry and totally set free by the Lord? Sure, the wilderness probably isn't like living it up at the Ritz, but isn't it better than working 80 hours a week carting bricks back and forth for Pharoah? I mean, dont the trees in the wildnerness provide a little bit of shade?" But then I read between the lines and see myself smack in the middle of that story. Flat in the middle of a wilderness of sorts, where the only thing that feels abundant are unmet expectations and the growlings of an empty belly. And oh does this tummy like to growl.
Mind you, perhaps my appetite, like theirs, still hungers after the things I've tasted in Egypt and needs time to hunger for Manna (the original "frosted flakes" as I heard preached this past Sunday), but how is it that I, that they, that we would so quickly forsake freedom and the One who has set us free to lament the loss of our slavery? What is that quote by CS Lewis that talks about our desires being too weak? That we are far too easily pleased and that we find ourselves content to make mudpies when a holiday at the sea is offered to us. Why do I confuse the mud with the sea? I'm sure I'd like the feeling, the reality, of water swishing in between my toes much better than the nasty, old mud. bleh.
So here's what this tum's growling these days: "Lord, what about a house to live in that's awesome? What about my million dollar mate? What about a job that I could love? What about freedom from this thorn and that? Would that I had these things..." Would that I had these things I doubt that I would feel full and yet I struggle greatly to not believe the opposite. As much as I feel convinced sometimes that all these things would make me much happier, I imagine that the Lord sees fit for me to develop more a taste for Manna, for what is better, for what is true freedom.
So I guess to Israel I say, "I hear ya peeps," but to the Lord I say, "Thank you for bearing with us so long and please help me to be willing. I know these things wont give me what I'm looking for, but its easy to forget, especially when this stomach starts growling so. Help me long for what is better."
Amen.
love ya'll.
Why is waiting so hard? I read today in Exodus 16 about the Israelites who had to wait in the wilderness for 40 years before God brought them into the land that he promised. In the waiting they started to grumble. And in the midst of the grumbling, they found themselves wishing they were back in Egypt...back in slavery! They said, "Would that we had died by the Lord's hand in the land of Egypt, when we sat by pots of meat, when we ate bread to the full; for you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger." (Ex 16:3)
Initially I want to be like, "Really? Really Israel? You would rather be "fat and happy," and an enslaved people than be a little hungry and totally set free by the Lord? Sure, the wilderness probably isn't like living it up at the Ritz, but isn't it better than working 80 hours a week carting bricks back and forth for Pharoah? I mean, dont the trees in the wildnerness provide a little bit of shade?" But then I read between the lines and see myself smack in the middle of that story. Flat in the middle of a wilderness of sorts, where the only thing that feels abundant are unmet expectations and the growlings of an empty belly. And oh does this tummy like to growl.
Mind you, perhaps my appetite, like theirs, still hungers after the things I've tasted in Egypt and needs time to hunger for Manna (the original "frosted flakes" as I heard preached this past Sunday), but how is it that I, that they, that we would so quickly forsake freedom and the One who has set us free to lament the loss of our slavery? What is that quote by CS Lewis that talks about our desires being too weak? That we are far too easily pleased and that we find ourselves content to make mudpies when a holiday at the sea is offered to us. Why do I confuse the mud with the sea? I'm sure I'd like the feeling, the reality, of water swishing in between my toes much better than the nasty, old mud. bleh.
So here's what this tum's growling these days: "Lord, what about a house to live in that's awesome? What about my million dollar mate? What about a job that I could love? What about freedom from this thorn and that? Would that I had these things..." Would that I had these things I doubt that I would feel full and yet I struggle greatly to not believe the opposite. As much as I feel convinced sometimes that all these things would make me much happier, I imagine that the Lord sees fit for me to develop more a taste for Manna, for what is better, for what is true freedom.
So I guess to Israel I say, "I hear ya peeps," but to the Lord I say, "Thank you for bearing with us so long and please help me to be willing. I know these things wont give me what I'm looking for, but its easy to forget, especially when this stomach starts growling so. Help me long for what is better."
Amen.
love ya'll.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Cupcakes
Ok ladies...will ya'll help me dream?
I want to open a cupcake shop and I'm actually serious about it. I need to get busy on some research (which i've been sporadically doing already for the last several months), but I really truly want to try to pursue this...Lord willing. I went to a bible study for the women in our community last night and there were two girls there who are actually doing it! They are specializing in mini cupcakes, which were so yummy, but is not really the direction I think I want to go in. Do ya'll think there is room for 2 cupcake businesses in the ATL (and I'm sure there are already more than this one...)? I feel like doing something like this is completely NOT natural to my dna, BUT when I saw those girls actually succeeding at something that I've been dreaming of doing, there was something inside of me that did not want to waste another minute NOT going for it. I'm scared and afraid that I won't go thru with it, but I'm perhaps MORE scared of what could happen to my soul (mainly, that it would shrivel up like a raisin!) if I continue to STAY where I am and dont run after something I have a passion for. Who knows, maybe I could get started and realize this is NOT my passion after all, but on the other hand...maybe it COULD be the beginning of a wonderful dream come true.
Am I thinking straight? Feedback any one? Would ya'll please pray...obviously this will not work unless the hand of the Lord is in it. Thank you a million times...love ya'll.
I want to open a cupcake shop and I'm actually serious about it. I need to get busy on some research (which i've been sporadically doing already for the last several months), but I really truly want to try to pursue this...Lord willing. I went to a bible study for the women in our community last night and there were two girls there who are actually doing it! They are specializing in mini cupcakes, which were so yummy, but is not really the direction I think I want to go in. Do ya'll think there is room for 2 cupcake businesses in the ATL (and I'm sure there are already more than this one...)? I feel like doing something like this is completely NOT natural to my dna, BUT when I saw those girls actually succeeding at something that I've been dreaming of doing, there was something inside of me that did not want to waste another minute NOT going for it. I'm scared and afraid that I won't go thru with it, but I'm perhaps MORE scared of what could happen to my soul (mainly, that it would shrivel up like a raisin!) if I continue to STAY where I am and dont run after something I have a passion for. Who knows, maybe I could get started and realize this is NOT my passion after all, but on the other hand...maybe it COULD be the beginning of a wonderful dream come true.
Am I thinking straight? Feedback any one? Would ya'll please pray...obviously this will not work unless the hand of the Lord is in it. Thank you a million times...love ya'll.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
no, Lord, I can do it
I finished my first year of grad school at the end of April and have been trying to take some time to invest myself in other things since...those things include frisbee, a new social group, exploring Nashville restaurants, and hitting the road for some weddings. This year has been a time of discovering: I have great potential to be a workaholic, college students are way more irresponsible than I remember, and meal plans are dangerous.
It has been a good time to look back on the year and realized that I did not know what a time commitment grad school was going to be. I have kind of felt like my life has been on hold and I do not have the energy to invest in people as I have before. While I am usually very self-sufficient (not really a good thing in the context of what Christ calls us to), this year I have depended on Carrie a lot and had to ask for help from co-workers, as well as tell co-workers "no" because there is only so much of my time to go around. Much of the year has felt selfish, and there has been a lot of guilt associated with that, but yet, I still have insisted on saying, "no, Lord, I can do it"...sometimes I wonder if I will ever learn what it means to be in community and depend on others and let them depend on you without keeping tabs and tallies.
In the movie Dan in Real Life, there is a line..."love is not an emotion, it is an ability" and as I reflected on that statement, I thought of how much my brother and I often seem unable to engage in this exchange of love...I could blame it on our family of origin or the experiences we have had, but while it is important to understand the source, I know that with the Lord's grace, anyone can move beyond these things. In order to practice that ability to love, one must allow others to see fully their scars and bruises beneath the surface, which then gives the other person permission to do the same, and I have no idea the timing of disclosing such information.
If anyone knows about StrengthsFinder, it is an assessment based on positive psychology and one of my strengths is "Restorative", which means that I see problems, and figure out how to solve them, and restore things to life. I find this most often relates to the lives of people, and while I find joy in restoring broken people, I have found that a) sometimes it can be an unhealthy pattern (i.e. co-dependence), and b) if I do this for others, I should be willing to let others do the same for me.
All this to say, the Lord has really broken me in His sweet tender way recently, so that has been evidence of His love and drawing me back to Him.
I think today the Lord might have led me to the church community in which he wants me to explore these things and this passage was offered:
"But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Cor. 3:16-18
I thank the Lord for the way each of you reflect His glory, and may He transformative work continue.
It has been a good time to look back on the year and realized that I did not know what a time commitment grad school was going to be. I have kind of felt like my life has been on hold and I do not have the energy to invest in people as I have before. While I am usually very self-sufficient (not really a good thing in the context of what Christ calls us to), this year I have depended on Carrie a lot and had to ask for help from co-workers, as well as tell co-workers "no" because there is only so much of my time to go around. Much of the year has felt selfish, and there has been a lot of guilt associated with that, but yet, I still have insisted on saying, "no, Lord, I can do it"...sometimes I wonder if I will ever learn what it means to be in community and depend on others and let them depend on you without keeping tabs and tallies.
In the movie Dan in Real Life, there is a line..."love is not an emotion, it is an ability" and as I reflected on that statement, I thought of how much my brother and I often seem unable to engage in this exchange of love...I could blame it on our family of origin or the experiences we have had, but while it is important to understand the source, I know that with the Lord's grace, anyone can move beyond these things. In order to practice that ability to love, one must allow others to see fully their scars and bruises beneath the surface, which then gives the other person permission to do the same, and I have no idea the timing of disclosing such information.
If anyone knows about StrengthsFinder, it is an assessment based on positive psychology and one of my strengths is "Restorative", which means that I see problems, and figure out how to solve them, and restore things to life. I find this most often relates to the lives of people, and while I find joy in restoring broken people, I have found that a) sometimes it can be an unhealthy pattern (i.e. co-dependence), and b) if I do this for others, I should be willing to let others do the same for me.
All this to say, the Lord has really broken me in His sweet tender way recently, so that has been evidence of His love and drawing me back to Him.
I think today the Lord might have led me to the church community in which he wants me to explore these things and this passage was offered:
"But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Cor. 3:16-18
I thank the Lord for the way each of you reflect His glory, and may He transformative work continue.
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